Something like a Duck

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's not a cat

All Growed Up

Difficult to imagine, but i am an adult. I have slipped away from this world into another called full-time employment, and managed to get lost for 10 months. EEK!

But, alas, there may be hope yet that i come back around to pepper

I've got audio checks to run, then a meeting at 10, but let's see if we can squeeze that nap in right after lunch?

I’ve got audio checks to run, then a meeting at 10, but let’s see if we can squeeze that nap in right after lunch?

my thoughts of Insanity across the world….

Leave a comment »

Accidentally On Purpose.

This whole life has caught me off guard. The wife thing, the mom thing, the diabetes and disease thing… One day, looooooong ago (emphASSis on the long), I was a fair maiden in a far away land. I was young and inspired and oblivious to reality. I had aspirations and motivation.

But marriage and children cleared those symptoms right up.

I want to remember myself as anything but innately maternal. I want to sell this story like any other’s…I was a young chirpy cheerleader with late nights around bonfires and football games and prom.  I graduated high school to claim my “Pass Go – Collect Cancun Summer Cruise and Proceed to College” ticket.  That I was never in want of responsibility; and that I never proved to be…

Alas, I cannot. I was, in fact, the town babysitter. I taught Sunday school classes with my mother. I was in charge of the little ones when I was but a little one. Control has been the birthmark on my lily white butt cheek since birth.  It’s not to imply that I was not young and capricious with many an error made. I have no halo, but I have no horns either.

When I was very young and still living in Miami, my mother ran a daycare out of our home. I was 8 years old and could change a baby, entertain a gaggle of toddlers, and help make ‘psssgetti.’ My high school sweetheart had a niece and nephew that I fancied as the first of my ‘children.’ I was always taking care of someone somehow.

But must I? Really?

Yes. It is the only answer that will suffice. I long for all the luxuries of Sanity, but I need  this Chaos of Caring .

Ugh. Being nice is hard.

It’s mostly only on days that end in ‘y’ that I am so conflicted…normally right after I see my young, single, childless neighbor jogging with far too much enthusiasm and far too little cellulite. I wonder how pretty her face is in the morning without the furrowed brow a scary midnight low brings? Would she run as easily if her head ached with the worry of her over-worked husband and fragile marriage? Could she smile just as nicely when a small human cannon-balled onto her pert chest? How energetic would a day’s worth of specialists and medicines and machinery leave her?

It’s not that I don’t think she exists without challenges. I know that she must have a hiccup in her day that ripples the water. It is impossible to live both a FULL life and an EASY life. But I just wonder how probable it is that they are colored my same shade of crazy.

Does it matter? No. It really should not. I should be humane enough to understand that comparing an apple to an orange is futile work for the ungrateful. I should be happy I’m a fruit (don’t agree too fervently there), that I have such a bundle of it, and that even if mine is a little bruised or beaten or a different shade (Hell, with three boys you know one of them has worms!)

I am still the bearer of a beautiful harvest.

I worry about the days I miss out on finding who I am. What will come of my life if I cannot know to whom it belongs?

But, then I realize that who I am is about who and how I have loved. My life belongs to those I nurture and grow along my branches. A pity for those who I’ve had to shake the sh*t out of and drop, but HIP HIP HOORAY! for those I keep. I nurture their existence because I understand that it is their being that allows for mine.

We often hope for lives that entertain our vanity and wants, needing for both the tree and fruit to bear itself to feed our self.

Hard times often are the most convincing to believe we give without having received. How silly to believe the fruit did not fall a terrible height so that it could become the tree! How silly to think the tree did not fight the force of the wind to stand tall enough to bloom the hopeful seed!

It happens to us so suddenly. A fear. An angst. A doubt. We accidentally fall over ourselves so that we can be reminded of our purpose. Someone somewhere loved you and gave you a want or a dream or a goal. They gave you a gift. Your purpose? Return the favor.

Someday, my neighbor’s boobs will droop and I will gladly suggest which brand of duct tape won’t rip a nipple off post-workout.

And to show that I am such a good listener, I will heed my own words and chase that woman down, but only because I let myself receive her gift of motivation to get off my arse. Yay me!!

Leave a comment »

Da plane. Da plane.

When is a Fantasy Island ‘Tattoo’ reference not applicable!? Never. At least, not in this house.

But that steals from the mammoth moment I am about to have…Ladies and testicles, my first born is set to fly far from the nest tomorrow. His very first summer away from home. His very first unchaperoned flight. My very first aneurism. O my.


Not that I am a stranger to venturing far from home in my wee youth. My mother used to load up her daughters and ship them to Colombia, South America during our long-ago summers.It was an amazing adventure into the different and unknown… not solely in regards to the food and music and overall culture, but to the wild world of Independence. I certainly did not do my mother’s hard work of raising a moral child injustice, buuuut I maybe might have left it to question on one or two occasions. Those summers were portals to wonderful worlds of WOW! I could see every single building or mountain or farm again, very and exact in their existence, but without those unchaperoned, novice eyes they would be little more than physical structures staggered in my line of sight. Those moments as a child are imperative in who and how I am now as an adult.

But am I ready for my son to say the same?  I know it will do him good to breath the fresh air of Sanity. I know a little privacy on the pot will do wonders for his esteem (little brothers can be rather intrusive). There is so much great that can come of this…..but it happens at of the cost of me being without him. *WHINE*

I’m a selfish butt of a woman. I grew this tiny little booger in my belly with the intent of a molding a man out of the mess mass. His happiness and well-being is supposed to be priority number one (it’s in the manual they give out at the hospital), but ME FIRST! ME FIRST!! I want to be there to show him everything…point out the obvious and declare myself genius for doing so, fuss over nothing until it’s something, and maybe even stave off the first inclinations of independence a little bit longer.

I have had him so long all to myself I simply do not want to share! He is going to have a killer conversation that I might not hear. What if he sees the best thing in the whole universe without me? O my goodness, he might even meet a girl that he really likes. And she might not be me! AHHHHHHHHHH!

Good parenting promotes healthy growth by encouraging independence.               

A glass of wine numbs you to your ineptitude at good parenting,

and Skype baby-steps you toward your delusion of release.

Mommy’s video-calling, sweetheart. Pick up 😉


Good Point


“Birds of a feather flock in good weather” so said Josh.

Leave a comment »

Its All About a Clever Slogan…


Leave a comment »

A hatched idea…

My childhood was as equally tormented as tormenting. The perfect balance of victim/ruffian. Nothing too awkward about my awkward pubescence. Nose-dive into adulthood? Very standard by all means: a wife by age 20, a mother by 21, 23, and again at 27 (are you thinking what I’m thinking… “why didn’t she just get cable in the bedroom!?”). House? check. Dogs? check. Minivan? check, check. And through it all, a voice in the thick of my thoughts whispered, “Where are you?”  I was always on ball with the feat at hand whether it be wrestling a fork from a back-flipping toddler or post-it-noting my bedroom romance reminders (“lock door for privacy. theirs not ours”). I was attentive to the details (there is a perfect crescent crusted booger on the left side of the third-row bench in the van. it was not there yesterday), and both over-reactive and over-whelmed by their discovery.

Nary a life event occurred without my witness to it. But, where in the hell was I!? I knew where the Oxy White Out was. I knew where the hubby’s screw driver was. The little microscopic light saber that comes with the LEGO Jedi? It’s in between the love seat cushions (along with the Dorito and magic marker). And the work file saved under the ‘Work File’ drive that no one could figure out was saved there? I knew where that was too. Why, o why, then did I not know where I was!? I would look in my marriage. I searched through my parenting. The vast desert land of my career? Not there either (although the visual of the Spaceballs scene where they are ‘combing’ the desert and the guy with the giant pick hollers “We ain’t found sh#t!” does come to mind). I had established how I was; neurotic, wound-up, constant, exhausting, and exhausted. And that was what was keeping me from finding who I am. Then it happened! My father’s voice blared at me, “You know, Chris, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it’s going to be…” “A CAT, Daddy!! A really fat cat…” heeheehee. You have to understand my father and I can never pass up the chance to out-smart(ass) each other.  Joking aside, this was it!! My life motto was born then and there:

Accept the obvious. It exists for a reason.

Better than that, be the obvious. If its your nature to laugh, then please do. If you are the perpetual pessimist, then negative-Nelly it is! Be who I am however it meant being. So, balls-to-the-wall drunk with new passion and enthusiasm I listened to another voice (and hers comes complete with interpretive dance),  “WRITE!!!” All of my life I had washed the world in words. They were (and remain) my woobie.  I had them wrapped tight around my first love, strangling my first heartbreak, and swaddling my sweet babies. I have journals and notepads,  sticky notes and Hallmark cards drenched in my written verse (that is hand written work, folks. obviously I am of a dying breed). Katie spake and thus the  clouds did part to reveal a truer Heaven: “You, Christina (Almighty and Brilliant of Mind), exist! Prove it. Become one with the Blogosphere!” And so shall it be. To the beginning of something beautiful (and more than likely incriminating), I offer a toast…literally. It is snack 0’clock on my watch and a Nutella on wheat over there is conspiring to ruin my waistline.

I offer myself to the entirety of the world in hopes that I find me first. Before the lunatic does. And here’s to hoping that that is not one and the same person…

1 Comment »